Multitudes on Mondays

As we traveled over the last three weeks, I shared a room and sometimes a bed with my sons. None of them share nicely while sleeping, but one in particular (the one with whom I'm usually paired) is particularly greedy. You see, from birth, he has always been a cuddler. He naturally gravitates to the source of warmth in a shared bed. Usually, that's his brother. But on a handful of nights, it was me. As any mother can tell you, sleep is a valuable commodity. It's easy for me to be annoyed by this behavior, especially when I am travel-weary. Sharing a bed with this one can be painful. At the very least it's uncomfortable!

Really, it mirrors my relationship with him. He is the one who stretches and pushes me as a parent. He challenges me at my very core. He is passionate and physical. He needs me to be intensely calm. All too often, I allow his intensity to spin me out of control. But if I meet his depth of passion with the same depth of gentleness, he settles.

So, as he batters against me while he dreams - his arm across my chest (which barely missed my cheek), his knee in my side (just left of my kidney), and his sweet cheek on my shoulder - I'm reminded to be a firm and calm presence in his life, a rudder of sorts, helping him to navigate the thrashing and tossing to which he is prone.

#71-82 of the gifts of sleeping close to my sons for nearly three weeks

- sweet sleeping lips
- soft snores

- the oldest one still wanting me when he's scared

- the smell of the second one's hair

- a big enough bed
- a bed not empty

- mumbling as they dream

- big beautiful eyes staring at me when I awake
- being the first thing they see when they awake
- sleepy smiles and big stretches
- hands of the smallest one reaching up to me
- the reminder that others (two families particularly close to my heart) would give anything to see their little ones sleep again