Have you ever had a good day?

"Have you ever had a good day?" 


His words pierced me. The eldest of my blessings was wondering if I had ever had a good day. Embarrassed and bewildered by his question, I answered in the overwhelming affirmative. However, I realized how my ingratitude had taken a toll on my family. 

The last months of the deployment and the first few weeks of Hubs being home had been tougher than I wanted them to be. I was so weary. Nothing particularly bad happened, but I had struggled to find the good. Ann Voskamp calls this the hard eucharisteo. I only focused on the hard and forgot about the thanksgiving....the thanks-living. 

Someone once told me that his wife set the tone for their home. I realized then that this was certainly the case for our home. Yet I have failed to show my children how to be grateful for the seemingly inconsequential, the simple things, as well as the big evidences of grace. 

Thinking that I had so poisoned my home with my ingratitude broke my heart in two. 

And so, with his words echoing in my mind, I chose differently that day and most of the days since. I work without (much) complaining. I (mostly) enjoy the simple and mundane. I (generally) keep a good attitude. I even have a little bit of fun. 

I reap what I sow. I have GOOD days. 

And I am sure to tell my deep thinker, too. 

a constant reminder at the end of my hallway

Counting the gifts...


66. Bull's incredible curiosity of late

67. answering lots of questions

68. an understanding husband

69. running for the first time in a long time

70. my foot doesn't hurt!

71. watching my blessings choosing to bless others through World Vision

72. Monkey's incredibly cute mischief

73. Gator's Spirit-led question

74. counting His gifts once again

75. a better-than-expected house

76. an easy transition

77. seeing familiar faces in unexpected places

78. reminders of good friends spread throughout my new house

79. a hot shower, a lock on the bathroom door, and a loud bathroom fan
80. a home that fits our extended family

81. being closer to family

82. good friends who send unexpected e-mails

83. music

84. new friends for the boys

85. hugs before friends deploy

86. friends to support like I was supported

87. our new chapel home

88. PWOC tomorrow! 

89. Hubs' new dream job

90. my life

Day 322

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

It’s the beginning of the harvest season. The cooler temperatures, the breezy days, and the slight change in the color of the leaves all testify to it. I have been watching the various stages of harvest. Fields are still green, some are ripe, some are being cut, some have just been cut, and still others have already been turned under. I have needed the reminder.

The first waves of Soldiers are just starting to arrive. And I am so thrilled for them! They have served well, and their families have waited patiently for them to come home. My head knows that their proper time is now. My heart is longing for it to be my turn!

Honestly, my desire is to put my head down and plow through the next few weeks. The temptation is so strong! But I would miss so much. I know that I need to slow down and look around me. We are back in the swing of things with school and activities. I could easily just get the stuff on the list checked off. I’m trying to remind myself to be present with my kids.

These boys are a wonder to me: Gator’s sweet nature, Bull’s sense of humor, Monkey’s explosion of personality. Gator has grown taller, stronger, and more coordinated. I’m curious to see how that translates onto the soccer field. He’s also in third grade and things just seem to “click” for him in an exciting way. Those a-ha moments are one of the best perks of home schooling.  

Bull is playing his first team sport ever and doing a great job! He’s in the proverbial dustball surrounding the soccer ball with his teammates, kicking toward the correct goal! He is making incredible progress in general, showing improvement in speech self-correction, strength and muscle tone, coordination, longer attention span, and improved fine motor control. His first attempts at reading are music to my ears.

Monkey has a deepening desire to communicate with us, and is starting to exert an independent spirit. While this causes some frustrating moments, he is right on track developmentally! His facial expressions rival those of Bull (which is quite an accomplishment). He’s such a wonderful, busy, happy toddler.

To think that I could miss all of this “stuff” mourns my soul. I am praying to have ears to hear and eyes to see all that is going on around me. I can’t afford to rush through these last few weeks, because I have so much to miss. So, here I am, slowing down, asking for the presence of mind to take in every moment and tuck it away. Because really, it will be over sooner than I think. 

Happy Fourth of July!

Today, I am thankful for freedom bought for me by the sacrifice of One and of many.

We miss you, my love! We are so proud of you!

Day 183

OHHHHHH! We're halfway there...

To be honest, I've had better months.

It was really great to see Hubs for two weeks in March. After we dropped him off at the airport, I asked the big boys what they were thankful for. Bull said that he was glad he could give Daddy some "squeezers" (Bull's tackle hugs that nearly squeeze the breath out of you). Gator said that he was glad that he didn't cry as much this time (as compared to Day 1). Really, that has been true of the last five weeks for the boys. They have done really well - no real drama to speak of.

I'm a different story.

Maybe it was the busy-ness of our calendar, or the pile-up of unexpected things. I'm still not quite sure. Whatever it is, I have not been on top of my game. I've been grumpy, harsh, and abrasive. The gremlins have shown up in various forms: a dead battery and A/C going out in the van, unexpected surgery for a kiddo, cancelled practices that I didn't know about, medical bills that arrive at my house by mistake, crazy weather swings, a clerical error that postponed our move for a month, blah, blah, blah. It's not any one thing. It's all of it happening at once.



I'm glad that we're on the upswing. Sanity showed up in a Honda driven by a gorgeous brunette accompanied by two really cute blondes. Comfort comes with laughter over dinner with new friends whose hubbies are deployed too. Encouragement arrives in an unexpected card in the mailbox. Solace is found in the steady (albeit slow) pounding of the pavement behind a jogging stroller. Healing balm flows from fellowship with this amazing sisterhood of wives surrounding me.  

Bull, C, Gator, A, and Monkey hangin' out

We still have a lot to look forward to in the next few months. Our new house will be great - I will have a dedicated school room for goodness' sake! We have a few exciting trips coming up and the summer looks to be full of fun. We'll start school in August. And Hubs will be home before we know it!



82 Days

Last week, we set a new record for the longest we've been apart. Mind you, this is not a record that I wanted to set and then break with each passing day. But each day apart means one day closer to him coming home.

The past 11.5 weeks have been both easier and harder than I expected.

Easier - There hasn't been as much drama as I expected from the boys. They are adjusting without many issues. Most rough spots are resolved with a reassuring hug and a Skype call. By the way, if I ever meet the people who invented Skype, I may embarrass myself. I am so thankful for this mode of communication. My boys love it too. Bull leaves the funniest voicemail messages for Hubs. Gator enjoys showing Hubs all sorts of new tricks and things he's created. And Monkey is so cute when he points, waves and babbles at his Daddy. I love that my baby knows his Daddy's voice and his face. As long as I have my phone, we can video chat anytime!

Harder - I am tired and rely on Diet Dr. Pepper WAY too much. Oh, how I wish I liked coffee. It's much warmer than DDP! The boys require a great deal of energy, as one may expect. The big boys miss their Daddy's physical presence. They've started beating up on each other (and suffered swift and appropriate consequences)! They soak up any attention they can get from our guy friends. Monkey has gotten a bit better about sleeping through the night. I thought that this weekend would be our breakthrough. Alas, we all have the sniffles and coughs/wheezes, so no one is sleeping well these days.


Easier - There are days that I really do forget he's on the other side of the world and fully expect him to walk through the door in time for dinner. Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? Maybe it's because the rhythm and busy-ness of our lives didn't change much when he left? I don't remember this happening before though, and it's a bit disconcerting.

Harder - The gremlins typically de-rail my day. Shoveling snow, dead car batteries, losing my keys for four days, rabbits/mice in the garage, snowstorms, viruses....the list could go on. I've accepted that these things will happen (thank you U.S. Navy for teaching me this at the beginning of my marriage!), and just try to roll with the punches.


Easier - It's been much easier to loosen my standards than I thought. Really, I haven't had a choice. There aren't enough hours to get "it" all done. Bedtime has gotten a bit later as has wake-up time. The house is much messier than I would prefer (it's winter though and we spend a GREAT deal of time inside right now). I've let dinner planning slide big-time (being remedied this weekend though!). I chalk all of this up to adaptation. I'm ok with it and working through it.

Harder - Everything takes more time, especially in the winter. The coats and the gloves and the hats and the snow and the boots and the mud...It seems that it takes so much longer to get anywhere and do anything. Maybe I'm understanding what the really important stuff is.


Easier - The boys are much better this winter than last with getting themselves ready to get out the door. They even get Monkey's jacket on him and get the dog in her kennel. I also know to start 15 minutes before we actually have to leave. Really, the kids have been amazing. They have stepped up with helping me more than I expected.


Harder - We have been really sick (for our family) this winter. There was the birthday trip to the ER in October for wheezing, the 2 weeks of Norovirus that got all of us in December (while on the road no less!), the sniffles, runny noses and cough that have plagued all of us at different times. Monkey still hasn't had his shots because he's been sick off and on for over a month!

Easier - We have hit our stride with school. Gator is accomplishing more in less time than before, and with a good attitude. Bull started pre-school this week, and I'm able to use free childcare for Monkey.

Harder - It's really tough to see guys in uniform all. the. time. They look so similar to one another (in uniform that is) that it's easy for my mind to play a trick on me and think that my soldier is walking toward me. I don't resent them or pout when I see them. I am looking forward to him being home though.

Easier - The community of which I am a part is absolutely amazing. I can't get over the support and the camaraderie that exists with this group of people. Though I have my "surviving" days, mostly we are in "thriving" mode. And when it's really hard (like it was a couple of weeks ago when our unit lost a Soldier), I know I have people who can sympathize and walk me through it.

I've heard that many hit a wall during months 4-6. What say you? Any ideas for making it through?

Hello again!

The keyboard has been quiet for a little while. We have spent our days savoring and squeezing every sweet drop of time together before Hubs left.

And now begins our long separation.

It is surreal to me. I can't wrap my mind around this length of time. From what I've been told, that's normal. Take it day by day. Break things into bite-size chunks. Make plans. Set goals. Remember that mercies are new.

Taking it day by day...I know this will be hard for me. I am a planner so looking at the first day of deployment and not seeing the long line of days attached to it is nearly impossible. I hope that our daily rhythm of life will help me. Home schooling has forced me to be more present with my kids than ever before. What blessings these children are to me! Bull will be my secret weapon in this. The night that Hubs left, he said, "So Daddy's not coming home from work tonight?"

Break things into bite-size chunks...I've already done this a little bit, reminding myself that there are only five weeks until we leave for Christmas vacation. I haven't gotten much past that though: part of that "being present" thing. Actually, this proved useful tonight with Gator. He was lamenting how long it would be before we could see (meaning touch) Daddy again. I was able to share some of our "chunks" with him and the length of time didn't loom so large anymore.

Make plans...No problem! We have plans made until this time next year. I need to confirm them and add a few more to make time a bit more bite-size. There's a good chunk of time between January and Spring Break - time that is ripe with potential for the blues because of the weather. After Spring Break, we'll be trying to get re-settled after a long winter and looking forward to R&R. Summer will fly by as usual with a trip to Spring Canyon, and trips to see family sprinkled in there. Then, we'll hit the new school year. And soon after that Hubs will be home!

Set goals...I'm a great planner, but a terrible goal-setter. I have a love-hate relationship with that type of accountability. Using this list as a starting point, I've managed to set some goals!

• I want our family to be physically resilient and fit, to adapt the "culture of fitness" that is prevalent in the military. I want to be back to "pre-pre-pregnancy" weight by the time Hubs comes home. So, I will exercise for at least 20 minutes every day, whether that is by myself, by doing PE with my kids, or by working out with friends. I will also strive to be in bed by 10:00 every night, allowing myself at least 7 hours of sleep. By using Once a Month cooking, I will be intentional about our menu so that I don't resort to cereal, macaroni and cheese, pizza, and fast food every night of the week.



• I will develop a good, working routine/schedule for our lives, to include new responsibilities for everyone, as well as some changes in the earning department for the kiddos. This will lighten my load considerably AND eventually score me some points in the daughter-in-law department! :)



• I will be using this space as a journal of sorts for me, a place to process my thoughts, documenting our life while Hubs is gone, and maybe getting his point of view every once in a while. I will also be hiring a sitter and/or using my free childcare hours as an added sanity maintainer. Most importantly, I will stay connected to my energy source by studying the Word.

Remember that mercies are new...every day in fact! Some days will be harder than others. I know that I will fail by allowing my exhaustion and sorrow to overtake me. And every day that I wake to new mercies is one day closer to Hubs being home.

It is my prayer that I will look back on this deployment and say, "Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" We are looking forward to what He will complete in us during our time apart.

Here we go!