My Boys

Gator painting his treasure box (orange and blue with a football applique):

Bull painting his treasure box (red with a robot applique):

Monkey with his new favorite friend, Duchess:

Gator's "war face":

Bull screaming "Bye, Elmo!" during Sesame Street Live - The Military Experience:

Monkey in his dedication outfit, being sweet as ever:

Circumstances

While Hubs was away, I shared this devotional with ladies from our Brigade who met to pray for our Soldiers. Today, I am circling back to it, applying truth once again.

The past month has been trying for our family. Circumstances have continually tried to get the best of me – things like deployment changes, preparation and departure for training, professional uncertainties, and potential reorganization. Dealing with those stressors on top of all the regular stuff like kids getting ear infections or pink-eye, relationship issues with friends and relatives, or the car needing repair can really tax a person’s ability to rebound after a hard day.

So, how do we deal with these circumstances? Consider the lives of Esther and Paul.

Esther was a Jewish girl who was born into slavery in Babylon. She was orphaned early in life, and subsequently raised by her elder cousin Mordecai (Esther 2:5-7). Esther was added to the King’s harem, and chosen to be Queen. Risking her own life, she approached the King in court without a summons and foiled Haman’s plan to assassinate all of the Jewish people.

That is quite an emotional roller coaster ride! Yet, she understood the truth that each of those circumstances had been woven together by God to accomplish His purpose, as Esther 4:14 so clearly states, “perhaps you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this.” She was able to rise above her earthly circumstances to see the bigger picture.

Paul had quite an exciting life as well. He chronicled some of his circumstances in his second letter to the Corinthians:
“Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches.”
2 Cor 11:24-28

Then, a few years later, Paul wrote these words:
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Phil 4:11-13

How do we achieve this mindset?

In chapter 12 of A Mother's Heart, Jean Fleming challenges mothers to let God be our only circumstance. In other words, don't be distracted by the little things. Instead, focus on the One who is bigger than and above any circumstance that life may throw at us.

Although circumstances are ever-changing, they don’t change the absolutes – that God loves us and has our best interests at heart, that Jesus desires a relationship with every single person on earth, that there are people hurting who need His touch, and that our purpose is to know God and to make Him known. Like Esther and Paul, we can endeavor to make God our only circumstance. In so doing, the chaos that swirls around us will fade and we will find rest in Him.

Lessons Learned

The Army is big on After Action Reviews (AAR) and use the leadership technique ad nauseum. It's only appropriate that I conduct an AAR regarding our recent trial run for deployment!

1. Get in bed on time.

2. Have a list of projects to accomplish while he is gone, but don't overspend while accomplishing said list.

3. Don't rely on technology (TV, Wii, and internet) quite so much, setting limits for all of us.

4. Use a schedule for me and for the boys, including exercise time, weekly library trips, and a fun event once a week. This was harder to do since it's summer. It will be easier once the school year starts.

5. Have a plan for bad weather, and go outside more on good weather days.

6. Figure out a better meal plan with lots of quick and easy meals, including a really easy night (like pizza) once a week.

7. Play with the dog and take her on walks.

8. Plan big events at regular intervals.

9. Hire a babysitter once a week for "Mommy stays sane" time.

10. Get up earlier than the boys, giving me time to read my Bible regularly.

What are some other tips for thriving during a military separation? Any really easy recipes? Any ideas for big events?

In Between

I’m no longer the brunette of my youth, but far from the beautiful silver of my mother and grandmother. The skin is no longer taut, rather stretched and scarred. The weight doesn’t drop off easily anymore, but it’s supposed to in 6 weeks. I see lines where there were none before, brown telling of time in the sun, but age spots replace sun-kissed. In between awake and asleep, never getting enough rest, but not really resting when I do finally fall into bed.
There is the passion of youth and a lack of the certainty and confidence that comes with age. There are big dreams and big responsibilities. In between “When is he going?” and “Is he home yet?”
There are goals and a word and the tyranny of the shoulds and the tyranny of the urgent.
Feeling young still, like I just graduated and got married, but realizing that I’m not that young anymore. And I’m not old enough to have arrived, to have wisdom assumed of me. Wanting and needing to learn so much, yet expected to teach what little I do know. When did I become the older woman? But aren’t I still the younger one?
Letting them crawl into my lap when I really want to crawl in my Daddy’s lap. Becoming the fixer while I need fixing. Trying hard not to look back, but lacking the drive to press forward. Living what I have always dreamed but wondering what to do when that’s done – when boys are men and have wives and kids and dreams and bills. What will I do then? Will that be a new in between?
The days are long and the years are short. But then one day, the years will be long and the days will be short.
Get to where you’re going, but don’t forget where you’ve been.
Mommy, why? Mommy, can I? Wahhh!!!!! Honey, what’s for dinner?
The cleaning and re-cleaning. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Mommy, look! I caught a fly! Mommy, I have an idea!
Mommy, watch this! Mommy, can I pour my own drink?
An almost crawl. A cry that says he’s hungry. A first reach for me with sweet chubby arms.
And smiles that melt and sticky kisses and dirty faces and stinky feet.
And questions deeper than they know – When will Duchess die? When will Daddy come home? Why?
And sweet prayers and sweet forgiveness and sweet helpers.
The in between? I guess it’s called life, the stuff of memories.
And you’re always in between.

One Word

At the beginning of the year, one of my radio stations gave listeners a challenge to come up with one word to define 2010. My word - margin.

This word came as a response to a very trying, although fruitful, first 10 months of life in the Army. We were very far away from family for the first time in our marriage. I had a hard first 18 weeks of pregnancy. The demands of Hubs' job were far more than we could have ever imagined. I found us having a hard time just surviving life through the fog of exhaustion that we were experiencing. We were living reactively for the first time in our lives. I knew something had to change if we were going to thrive in 2010.

I made a commitment in January to plan for more margin in our family life. Six months into it, I'm glad to say that we are succeeding for the most part. It's been hard though. I'm a classic first-born people pleaser with perfectionist tendencies. It is in my nature to say yes to everyone and everything. Saying no to opportunities has both stretched me and freed me. And my family is reaping the benefits.

We have tried to reserve Saturday for family time and rarely schedule things that would cause us to spend time apart. For most people, Sunday tends to be the day to lay low and reconnect with family (while Saturday is spent at sporting events, running errands, or doing yardwork). But we are the family of a Chaplain and Sundays can be one of the most stressful days of the week for us. Hubs has responsibilities at the Chapel, which means we arrive and leave at different times on Sunday mornings. I've had to let go of my "big Sunday dinner" dream. Instead, we have a special meal on Friday or Saturday night. On Sundays, we go out to eat and have leftovers or sandwiches. As for yardwork, we live on post and lawncare is provided for us.

We have tried to say no to things that would require us to be out of the house every night of the week. Therefore, Gator didn't play a sport during every season (though he really wanted to do so). I don't go to all the coffees I'm invited to attend. Hubs tries to keep after-hours counseling down to one night a week, if any at all. I have given up on having a perfectly clean house. I've stopped blogging as much. I've limited my computer time and the boys' TV/Wii time.

Our biggest change will begin in August. We will be home schooling our boys next year: Gator in 2nd grade and Bull in Pre-K. Yes, the girl who didn't major in education because she didn't want to write lesson plans bought a lesson planner a couple of weeks ago. We decided that margin is our priority. The boys and I will be here when Hubs comes home from PT and for lunch. We will be available when Hubs has a 4 day weekend. We can "do school" in the van on a road trip and not worry about the make-up work when we return from our trip. And these times spent together will fill our love bank accounts so we can make the withdrawals that a potential deployment will require. I know that bringing the boys home for school will not be "all sunshine and roses." However, I believe that the benefits will far outweigh any discomfort that I may feel! I'm certain that we will be able to create and preserve even more margin in our family life with this choice.

Ultimately, I've recognized that saying no to some things allows me to say "Yes!" to so many other more important things. I'm looking forward to the newest chapter in our margin-filled grand adventure!