One Word

At the beginning of the year, one of my radio stations gave listeners a challenge to come up with one word to define 2010. My word - margin.

This word came as a response to a very trying, although fruitful, first 10 months of life in the Army. We were very far away from family for the first time in our marriage. I had a hard first 18 weeks of pregnancy. The demands of Hubs' job were far more than we could have ever imagined. I found us having a hard time just surviving life through the fog of exhaustion that we were experiencing. We were living reactively for the first time in our lives. I knew something had to change if we were going to thrive in 2010.

I made a commitment in January to plan for more margin in our family life. Six months into it, I'm glad to say that we are succeeding for the most part. It's been hard though. I'm a classic first-born people pleaser with perfectionist tendencies. It is in my nature to say yes to everyone and everything. Saying no to opportunities has both stretched me and freed me. And my family is reaping the benefits.

We have tried to reserve Saturday for family time and rarely schedule things that would cause us to spend time apart. For most people, Sunday tends to be the day to lay low and reconnect with family (while Saturday is spent at sporting events, running errands, or doing yardwork). But we are the family of a Chaplain and Sundays can be one of the most stressful days of the week for us. Hubs has responsibilities at the Chapel, which means we arrive and leave at different times on Sunday mornings. I've had to let go of my "big Sunday dinner" dream. Instead, we have a special meal on Friday or Saturday night. On Sundays, we go out to eat and have leftovers or sandwiches. As for yardwork, we live on post and lawncare is provided for us.

We have tried to say no to things that would require us to be out of the house every night of the week. Therefore, Gator didn't play a sport during every season (though he really wanted to do so). I don't go to all the coffees I'm invited to attend. Hubs tries to keep after-hours counseling down to one night a week, if any at all. I have given up on having a perfectly clean house. I've stopped blogging as much. I've limited my computer time and the boys' TV/Wii time.

Our biggest change will begin in August. We will be home schooling our boys next year: Gator in 2nd grade and Bull in Pre-K. Yes, the girl who didn't major in education because she didn't want to write lesson plans bought a lesson planner a couple of weeks ago. We decided that margin is our priority. The boys and I will be here when Hubs comes home from PT and for lunch. We will be available when Hubs has a 4 day weekend. We can "do school" in the van on a road trip and not worry about the make-up work when we return from our trip. And these times spent together will fill our love bank accounts so we can make the withdrawals that a potential deployment will require. I know that bringing the boys home for school will not be "all sunshine and roses." However, I believe that the benefits will far outweigh any discomfort that I may feel! I'm certain that we will be able to create and preserve even more margin in our family life with this choice.

Ultimately, I've recognized that saying no to some things allows me to say "Yes!" to so many other more important things. I'm looking forward to the newest chapter in our margin-filled grand adventure!